


Understand, I Love You

by kei_rin



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Episode Tag, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-30
Updated: 2011-06-30
Packaged: 2017-10-20 21:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/217080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kei_rin/pseuds/kei_rin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode tag to 23-06-2011 episode. Take place when Syed and Christian head home at the end of the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Understand, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Unnecessary Angst. This is a fic based on a soap opera after all.

“Well that was--,“ Syed was at a loss for words to explain the emotional rollercoaster ride that was Tamwar and Afia’s mehndi celebration.

Christian grunted his agreement, not ready to talk to Syed yet. It would just figure that anything he said would fall under “you wouldn’t understand because it has to do with my culture”. He wasn’t that dense, maybe he’d get it if Syed would, just once in a while, try to explain it. Christian figured they’d end up shouting about this soon enough. They almost always ended up having a row when it came to Syed’s family and his culture. Though he has made headway in the religion front, which is somewhat of a victory.

Christian is starting to unbutton the top of his kurta so he can pull it over his head and get the damn thing off, when a hand on his shoulder turns him around. Christian is surprised by a gentle kiss. When Syed pulls away all Christian can see expressed on his face is of happiness and love. It’s like they didn’t spend the latter half of the afternoon snapping at each other; partially about Syed’s mother which always got both of them relied up. Part of Christian feels like he’s banging his head against a wall for all he can understand what Syed is thinking.

“Thank you,” Sy says, that look in his eyes tells Christian that this conversation is heading towards the bed and soon.

Christian wraps his arms around Sy. The feelings of hurt and anger he had rolling in his chest giving way as he held Syed close to him, but as normal the confusion still remained.

“For what?”

“For being you, I guess,” Sy replies. “For being so vocally supportive of my brother when I couldn’t be. For staying civil with my parents throughout the ceremony. For wearing this.” Syed rubs his palms over Christians clothed chest. Yep, this is heading towards the bed right now.

Christian maneuvers them around so Syed is walking backwards towards the bed. “Why is this so important?,” He doesn’t really expect an answer. He’d been asking variations of that question since Sy first asked him to wear the more “traditional” outfit a couple of days ago.

“Because it showed them that you’re with me. Nobody in my family can question if we’re still together or if you were going to stay with me now because there you were right beside me. Looking like a good traditional Pakistani boy.”

“And that was important to you?,” Christian asked pushing Syed back on to the bed only to follow him down kissing Syed’s neck.

“Yes,” Syed voice is breathy. His legs spread to allow Christian to fit between them. His hands pulling the other man down on top of him, pulling there still clothed bodies so close to each other. “Christian, yes.”

* * *

The clothes they had worn earlier are now haphazardly laying around the floor near the bed. Syed’s head was pillowed on Christians shoulder. Neither was asleep. Christian isn’t exactly surprised that now Syed isn’t rushing out of bed in order to hide from the world that he is a gay man, that he’s partial to a cuddle after sex. More often than not it’s Christian who has to suggest that they eventually let go of each other, just like Christian is the one to make sure that they actually get up at a decent hour in the mornings.

Christian can feel how relaxed Sy is but he can’t share it completely. His mind is still running through what happened today, especially what happened with Tamwar and Afia. As far as he was concerned Zainab got what she deserved and he didn’t really care to go over it again. As opposed to what happened with the happy couple; it took courage for Tamwar and Afia to tell everyone the truth about their marriage and it was like the entire family was on pause until Yusuf said something before offering support. Christian knows Syed supports his little brother with all his heart so why didn’t he make it known at the time. Syed knows what it’s like to not be supported by the people you love, so why would he do that to Tam. It makes no sense to Christian and he asked Sy about it at the mehndi all he got was some vague talk about culture. Christian could grow to hate that word.

It was hard to hold on to his anger over the situation when he’s physically touching Syed but the agitation over all this is still gnawing at the back of his brain. Christian figures he might as well just bring it now. That way if they were going to fight it would be in sync with the rest of the day.

“Sy, I got to ask you something.”

Syed hums into Christian shoulder.

“Okay,” Deep breath and just like ripping off a band aid, “How come everyone waited for Yusuf to say something before supporting Tam and Afia?”

He can feel Syed tense a little next to him, which tells him that Syed knows exactly what he’s asking. He can hear the intake of breath as Syed prepares to say his stock answer.

“And don’t tell me it’s a cultural thing. You thanked me earlier for supporting them, when I know you support them as well. They know you support them. But you couldn’t even clap for them when they told everyone. I want to understand. I want to understand you Sy and I won’t if you don’t even try to explain.”

Syed sits up a little as Christian finishes talking, leaning on one arm as he looks into Christian’s eyes and seems to search his face. Christian holds his breath because he doesn’t know what Syed is looking for and he’s afraid he won’t find it and Syed won’t answer him.

“Please Sy,” He adds cupping Syed’s cheek before tangling his fingers in Syed’s hair to guide him back down for chaste kiss. “I love you and I want to know you.”

Maybe that did because Syed relax against him again. It’s not a complete victory but it better than when they tried this conversation earlier at the mehndi. Syed fits himself next to Christian and lays one hand over Christian chest just touching. Syed seems to staring at the half wall separating their bed from rest of the flat. Christian just wraps one arm around Syed and with his other and with his other hand covers Syed’s hand with his own. Christian for once doesn’t push, which probably why he gets the answer from Syed.

“It’s hard to explain,” Syed words are a little silted at first like he trying to find the word that follows the last but it becomes easier as he goes on. “Yusuf is Afia’s father. If either he or my parents had really been traditional, whether or not Afia and Tamwar were already married wouldn’t make a difference. If they said there was no marriage, there is no marriage. At least in the eyes of the family, so it was really important that he give his blessing. Because if he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter who else does.”

“But why?,” Christian might have expanded on his question till he shoved his foot in his mouth as usual but Syed cut him off.

“Because Tam and Afia are good kids. They want their parent’s approval. In Asian culture that carries a lot of wieght Christian. Doing something that you know they disapprove of, that will probably shame them in the eyes of community, is not something that a good son does,” Syed voice in filled with emotion and Christian isn’t sure that they are still talking about Tam and Afia anymore. Christian wants to hit himself on the head for voluntarily walking into this minefield.

The silence seems to stretch on while Christian searches for something to say but it seems Syed was faster at finding the words he needs to say.

“You know when I was seven my grandfather on my dad’s side came to visit.”

Christian’s brow furrow in confusion, “I thought we were talking about the mehndi.”

“Shut up. You wanted to understand and I’m trying to explain. My grandfather came to visit. And for some reason I didn’t want to do something that my dad told me to do. I don’t even remember what it was. But then my grandfather told me this story of when my dad was a boy, he dragged my dad and my uncle out of bed in the middle of the night and told them to dig a hole and plant this fruit tree in the backyard. And how his sons never questioned him or disobeyed him like I was doing, instead they planted that tree at midnight just like he told them to. That’s my culture Christian. You follow where your parents lead because they are supposed to know best, even if you don’t understand why. If they tell you to do something you show that you love and honor them by doing it.”

Syed tells this story still looking firmly at the half wall and Christian can’t stand it anymore. He tilts Syed’s face to him and it’s just like that time Christian say saw Syed through the window after his marriage to Amira. That palpable pain just breaks Christian heart to see and he would do anything to make it go away. He kisses Syed and then again and again. On to lips, on the nose, on the forehead. He holds the other man close and kisses him because he isn’t the one who can make this better. He can only make this particular pain bearable by being there for Syed.

“You were right before,” Syed says after a few more kisses.

“Right about what love?”

“I am selfish.”

“Not about this love. It’s not selfish to want your family to get along. We’re getting married and it’s not selfish to want your parents to be happy for you. You are a good man, Syed Masood.”

“Just not a good son.”

Christian isn’t by nature a violent man but right now he could happily murder Zainab and Masood for giving Syed the idea that he’s not a good son. If anyone should be lamenting over their selfishness it’s those two.

Christian is brought out of his dark thoughts when Syed kisses his shoulder. “So you think you can stand being married to the bad boy of the Muslim community?,” There is a sad note to the teasing and Syed’s soft smile doesn’t completely reach his eyes but Christian can’t help but smile back at him.

“You, a bad boy?”

“Oh yeah, parents will use me as warning for their kids for years to come.”

“Hmm, well I guess I can live with that.”

“You sure? People will talk.”

“People do little else. Let them. Your mine, and I’m not fool enough to let you go,” And that gets a genuine smile from Syed, one that makes his whole face light up.

“I love you Christian Clarke,” Syed pushes himself away from Christian after a quick kiss. “Now go turn off the lights. It’s been a long day.”

“Lazy.” Christian is already getting up and switching off the lights before returning to bed only to be wrapped up by his lover, his fiancé, his life partner.

Christian might not fully understand everything about Syed yet but he has a life time to figure him out.

~End


End file.
